The (mostly) agony and (some) ecstasy, part 1
27 March 2006If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!
I love powerlifting and love to watch it at all levels: from rank beginner to elite champion, I enjoy watching all manner and type of individual struggle to exceed current limits. This aspect of powerlifting makes me ecstatic. I however hate the lengthy format of local powerlifting competition that turns feats of strength into feats of endurance. On Saturday I stood through a nine hour powerlifting competition and this had me skipping out before the trophy presentations. All day power competitions are pure agony. We showed up at the local YMCA where the three lift (squat/bench press/deadlift) competition was being held at 8:30am and left to go home at 5:30. We were so burned out that we blew off going out to eat with the crew afterwards. Kirk Karwoski, Susan (Ms. Irreverent) anxiously arrived that day at the meet site worried about getting there late. The competition was to start at 9am and we would have to provide coaching for five lifters. I should have bought along three super comfortable lawn chair loungers a cooler filled with imported beer and cold delicious treats. Actually at event this lengthy the ideal way to attend would be in “tailgate” fashion, the way football fans do at stadiums prior to professional and college games…Amira needs to purchase our power squad one of those million dollar greyhound bus celebrity party-mobile monstrosities that contains a lounge area, bathrooms, bedrooms for power naps, killer stereo, plasma big screen TV and a complete kitchen. This magical mystery bus should be painted flat-black with blackened windows and reserved for team travel to and from competitions. Otherwise the “Big Bus” would remain stored in the barn.
Amira would never, ever be allowed to drive the Big Bus…never, ever, under any circumstance – anyone who makes 50-mile per hour U-turns on my quiet, bucolic, Mayberry Street, running over pedestrian-choked sidewalks, should never ever be allowed to drive the Big Bus. How can you turn control of a 10-ton lead sled with 800-horsepower over to a woman who once ran over a goat and didn’t notice? To this day she denies running over that hapless farm creature as it stood baying peacefully on the side of a back road in front of a rustic farmhouse. The goat was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time and confronted by the wrong driver. She indignantly denies the goat slaughter to this day - but if you don’t notice as you do a horrible deed does this ignorance absolve you from responsibility? I think not. Anyway I’m rambling…In a perfect world I would have an apprentice power coach stationed at the meet site with a cell phone and a clipboard. He/she/they would call me in the Big Bus lounge where I would be watching a sporting event on the Plasma TV. Perhaps Karwoski would be regaling the Bus people with a tale of what happened to him one year in foreign countries lifting for Team USA. My cell phone would ring and we’d put it on the speaker.
Me: “Where are they at?”
Apprentice: “They just finished the second round of squats in the 1st flight.”
Me: Roger that. Ron needs to start his warm-ups…135×15, 135×8, 185×1, 225×1. Kirk and I will head in when there are five lifters in front of him – so call when he’s five lifters out. Got it?”
Apprentice: “Roger that Chief! Apprentice signing off.”
Then I would wheel back around in my Big Bus captain’s chair and have another piece of the smoked rib eye steaks we’d prepared earlier on the Weber grill set up right outside the front door under a canopy that unfolds from the side of the Big Bus.
“Pass me another Eku 28 Finnish Malt liquor Kirk.” I would say between bite-fulls of the roast potatoes, asparagus spears and bell peppers grilled to perfection. We would walk 200-yards to the meet site, watch intently as our lifter makes a picture perfect lift that causes the crowd to gasp. We’d then pass on incredibly insightful advice that fire the lifter up before providing concise instructions to the apprentice coach. We would be back on the Big Bus ensconced in the lap of luxury and excess inside 30-minutes.
Tags:Popularity: 2% [?]
Related Posts:
Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.
