Sickness, The Biggest Loser, Chuck Deluxe eats all the food
27 October 2005If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!
About once a year I get sick. I am, as my friends like to say, generally bulletproof. In terms of health when something nasty slips past my goalie its usually a hum-dinger. Ive picked up some sort of congestion bug that causes me to cough often and hard. Theories abound, mold, contact with so many people in Richmond, who knows? In addition my head is stuffed solid, as if someone had poured concrete up my nose and it had hardened in my sinus and nasal passages. After three straight days of coughing my ribcage began to hurt every time I let one loose. Stacy plied me with the remedies and since I am chemical-free most of the time the system pollution that comes with taking a bunch of over-the-counter remedies leaves me feeling disoriented and dumb. There is no way I would consider training of any type under these circumstances; neither should you. How often over the years have I seen trainees laboring under a misguided sense of duty or machismo or Im tough as nails and sickness is not going to cause me to miss a workout! So here they come, contaminated and spreading infection to innocent training partners. When the truly sick train they are unable to handle 60% of the poundage they normally are capable of. These hardheaded types that insist on training through sickness wreak holy havoc on their immune system. Hard training (relatively speaking) on top of a weakened condition is a recipe for catabolism, that harsh metabolic Siberia where the human body cannibalizes muscle tissue in order to feed itselflovelyI am talking about real sickness, not some sissy cold or mild flu. John Riggins once critiqued another running back that was missing clutch, 3rd and 1 conversion situations. Everyone was disgusted that the 230 running back with 4.5 speed was stopped twice inside the 5-yard line. Riggins said, When the hole opens a good back sees it. When youve got all those arms and legs waving around in the hole you just lower you shoulders and run right through that stuff. When some mild affliction descends, dont use it as an excuse to blow off a workout or walking session, run right through that stuff. On the other hand when its, you gotta stay in bed timedont be a tough guy. Blow off the training session and continue to blow them off until youve recovered: otherwise you will throw yourself down a hole deeper than the one youre already standing in.
Obsessive compulsion; watching The Biggest Loser: I admit it, I watch. The philosophies they use compared to the ones me and my philosophic posse use are so diametrically opposed that we form the perfect Hegelian dialectic: thesis/antithesis. No chance we could parent a synthesis: that fitness philosophy would be born deformed. This week one contestant expressed disappointment that he had only lost 5-pounds despite spending over 25-hours (cumulative) in the gym last week. Whoa! Try fitting that fitness approach in with a job and family. The basic “fitness” premise of Losers is to over-work then starve contestants. 400-pound men are worked like galley slaves 4-5 hours a day doing endless hours of cardio on a sparkling variety of glitzy aerobic machines trudging away at indoor machine cardio despite the fact that they lived in scenic mountains with incredible topography. They weight train but it appears to be a variety of progressive resistance training that I would label, Lets do dozens and dozens of reps in countless exercises handling dink-ass poundage while Nazi prison guard personal trainers shout fitness platitudes in your face. 400-pound men are subjected to this torture then given 1500-calories per day to subsist on, allotting 3.75 calories per pound of bodyweight per day. If prisoners-of-war were fed this amount, the camp commandants could be indicted for war crimes. The antithesis? Train the body in short, intense sessions then fed the body ample amounts of clean calories. I work with heavy people everyday. We walk everyday for 40-minutes. Three times weekly they weight train for about 30-minutes. Weekly cumulative time allotted for working out? Seven hours. My people are getting stronger, more vibrant, more vital and energized with each subsequent week the opposite of beaten down then starved.
Chuck the Barrister makes a reservation: Now that Chuck Deluxe has his law degree, I dont quite know how to address him. When I saw him for the first time after he aced the bar exam, I said, so now what? Oh, I dunno, maybe Ill practice some sort of law. Well yeah, I would think that is why people go to the trouble to pass bar exams. Anyway, he indicated that hed like to drop by over Thanksgiving but wanted to coordinate his visit to coincide with when therell be one of those hickory-smoked turkeys you cook so well around. We smoke whole fresh turkeys on the Weber grill using the indirect method. We smoke with hickory, mesquite or apple wood chips. Duck is spectacular as is beer-can chicken. You basically ram a 16-ounce tallboy up the butt of a whole roaster bird and while the beer-bird sits upright and gets an internal beer moistening, the smoke infuses the bird with a smoky flavor and super crisp skin. Addictive. Nowadays when friends come to town they call ahead to make diner reservations. Pavel is strictly a beef man and loves the Black Angus rib eyes we procure from our country Mennonite butcher. Pavel likes to bust up peppercorns and rub the pristine meat with the potent, eye-tearing pepper over super-high heat this forms a crisp crust while everything inside remains moist and perfect. He routinely ate 2-3 at a sitting. Chuck is a fowl individual. Once at my house he ate an entire chicken plus a leftover half-bird later on. He chased that down with a half gallon of some baked pasta dish with cheese Id made. (Hey! This is gooood Mar-tay!) plus an entire pan of fresh green beans cooked low and slow with fatback. For desert he ate a half of whatever we had. Ill be stocking up the provisions between now and his visit. After he eats he likes to sit in front of a football game and figure out some way to bring up how great Earl Campbell was.
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